once (seemingly) long ago, joel used to be a responsible, responsive guy. used to go to the extreme ends to do things for others, take up extra duties and work, do stuff people would shun because it was out of the way/dirty/not something they would do.
now.. on the verge of adulthood, joel realises how things have changed. now he shirks reponsibilities, doing the minimum and walks off. he is unresponsive, sometimes lost in the world of his own. what brought about this change?
yes..thats me talking about me. can't even seem to make good a simple promise of taping a msg that would benefit others, its like not making the extra effort to do it. i could have done so much to prevent all this from happenin and no, not once did i contemplate doing it till after, by then ,as we always know, is too late.
my dad's not really doing better. he just got the doctor's word that the growth which was in his neck is really a tumour and a cancerous one. its like just another blow which he and my family are reeling from. mum was crying, i was dazed. after all the hopes and wishes for a soon return, turn to a feeling of helplessness and despair.
and yes, similarly to helping a friend and helping my dad, i find myself useless.
simple tasks i can't fulfil for a friend, difficult task to fulfil for my dad, that i know i have already failed.
life doesn't seem to hold the meaning to whys, whats, whos, wheres, hows anymore to me. especially when i know i can't.
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