since i'm feeling better and waitin for dinner to come back thought i'd leave a new year's note to those i know. irregardless of whether they see it. this is in no order of preference i'm just thinkin off the top of my head.

cherie ( small one (: ) -- thanks for being there for big one and keepin the smiles up everytime.
debbie ( mei ) -- you too heh with your sometimes warped advice but always entertainin and advisin. thanks!
serena -- heh, its immensly fun being ard someone like you who's always so cheerful. thanks for wakin me up and helpin along the way.
sean (prae) -- thanks for takin your time and listenin to my probs when you got probs of your own. if you need anythin i'm all ears :)
clarence (arch) -- ditto you too clarence, just that sometimes we see from the many different faces of the coin. still your words have not been unheard.
jonathan -- heh keep it up man. :) listenin, talkin, readin your blog gives me the laughs always. stay the bubbly bear you are, life won't be the same without you.
khimmy -- thanks for your advice when i needed it most. :)
galvin -- heh its been fun playin pool and learnin from you. heh dun so pro leh next time i want the 8 ball! :P
stanley (alth) -- ditto the above!
kelvin (richards) -- thanks for the offer for the muvo as well as the advice. all the best Down Under!
fred (marksman) -- lol long time didn't speak to you suddenly you popped up from the woodwork. keep in touch man!
dawn -- you too heh fun readin your blog and talkin back to you. can't quite believe we've been friends for so long :)
batch of 84 (church) -- this year so happenin huh? guess our life paths change so much. yeah i still miss the good ol' days.
david -- you ahh dun anyhow make indecent proposals to carol lol.
carol -- thanks :)
james & angeline -- gonna miss you two when you move off for yaf. but guess things have to move along rite? ;)
walther -- the bear! heh i think the soccer guys and i will miss your powerful shots and masterful control!
marcus -- glad you came down to the Gospel cantata! hope His word will touch your heart. and thanks for the lifts to soccer!
the rest of the soccer guys -- great fun playin with you all :) lookin forward to more this year.
jianzhi -- you ahh always so busy! i really hope that somehow someday you'll see above what you're doing.

and to those i've missed out -- i'm sorry if i didn't mention your name but i'm glad and thankful you were there in my life at some stage and some point.

sickk
ughh think the sun got to me today, cycled to church to help out with the pasting of the prayer diaries that are supposed to be given out later. and boy was it hot! by the time i reached church i went straight to helpin them forgettin to go take a drink first. so by lunch i was feelin rather uncomfortable and sick. felt like i had a fever. so after lunch i cycled back, took 2 panadols and went to sleep it off. which was quite good cuz by 1730 i was feelin much better. still a bit light headed but i think they should clear in a while. then tonight got stayover at stan's place which i dunnoe whether i should go cuz i'm afraid the feelin will come back. and that some person i dun wanna see will be going. whichever la. i'll think abt it after i shower and get ready to go for watchnight service.

OH yes before i forget cuz i won't be home tonight to update this:

Have a Blessed New Year! :)


anyways i plucked this out of an email a friend sent me: (thanks sis eena!)

Blessing for 2004
May the Lord bless you as you enter the new year of 2004.
May the Lord bless you with peace and acceptance of whatever plans God wills for you as the purpose for your life unfolds.
May your growth produce the person God created you to be.
May the Lord bless you with wisdom to make wise decisions and give wise counsel.
May the Lord bless you with the spirit of power, love and a sound mind.
May your household be disciplined and peaceful as you are in obedience to the word of God.
May the Lord bless you with a hunger to read and study and practice God's word.
May the Lord bless you with a heart for praise from your lips and joy in your heart.
May the Lord bless you with joy, so others will desire what you have found in Christ.
May the Lord bless you with peace, so you can become a peacemaker in your home, in your church, at your job.
May the Lord bless you with faith so you can move mountains.
May the Lord bless you with faith so that you will never doubt your salvation.
May the Lord bless you with a love for others, as Christ loves you.
May the Lord bless you with the strength to submit one to another.
May the Lord bless you with truth, as there is no greater joy than to walk in truth.
In Jesus' name.

rofl-es
just saw the heineken advert the one involving jennifer aniston. can't stop laughin heh. that shows another thing i haven't watched tv for a looong time :P

OH for those ad buffs and music freaks.. please help me identify the song that swatch uses in their ads!! if you do drop me a msg or sth!

thankies!

tired to the bone!
soccer in the mornin was great even though i know i still lack the fitness element but that will have to improve someday :P but still my knees ache! not from soccer but from the super long pool/snooker session the nite before. they still ache now -_-

went down to help chee chang to sell off his discman at cash converters and it was an interesting insight if not dumb experience. well first the system works like this you step into their "buys room" which is like a normal shop except there's a lot of pple waitin to sell their stuff and the temperature there must be abt 30 degs. and after you take the que number you realise that if its at 34 and your number is 25 then you've gotta wait till the counter resets to 50 then all the way up to 25 and i've calculated that they take approx 1 hour to clear 16 pple. super wols. so anyway i left chee chang to stone in that room while i sneaked off (not sneaked la, i told him i was going to find pple) to JEC's ice skatin rink like next door to say hi and watch a couple of yf-ers who were ice skatin (serena, stan, zim, boss, lingwei, david, carol) and talked and laughed and looked on. yes i've got no desire to get onto the ice hehe i prefer solid ground and wheels very much thank you! not to mention i was in berms and slippers. and yes its fun to see pple go ard in circles and occasionaly fall lol. (oops i'm a bit of a sadist) so after that went back to accompany cc and yes he sold it to them in the end for a measly 25 bucks which was like totally ripped off. i think its some form of pressure tactics. they make you wait 3 hours, put you in a stuffy crowded warm room, then diss your product and give you a low price. and its like since you waited for so long you end up acceptin their offer though its ridiculous.

heh just read jonnie's blog and its soooo interesting. keep it up man! your humour and sacarsms rank high on my list of must-reads!

zoned out

kinda that rite now as i told dawn and johan, "i'm thinkin but not thinkin, feelin but not feelin." wait a min, i just realised sth, i've got no idea what i'm sayin. arghhh..sufferin from rem sleep ish -_- hate it. wake up all tired and blurred. later got soccer at 9 and i can't sleep even though i'm tired and i know i am. having a nose which runs marathons isn't helpin either. its been running since 3pm i think. so far non-stop, crazy man.

whatever you do, don't look back, don't regret the actions that you took or didn't take. don't rue the opportunities that you turned down. and whatever you do, look forward for there is always something to look forward to.

tired and hungry

this is the first time ever in a looooonnngggg time i've played 10 hours. (longest i remember was 8) played some like a pro and the most part like a noob hahaha..really gotta pull up my socks. joseph and rajesh quite pro heh but still managed a bit lol. apart from that theres not much i did today which means i'm not very productive but hey it was fun! :)

back already after watchin man u win in disappointin style to m'boro. not that mboro could have won la but that both sides didn't play to expectation. and fergie put the wrong man on the right wing again! fletcher can't play for nuts man and he got sent off some more ($&#%#^% quite dumb la.

cycling is gettin into my blood sighh..and i can't get my own bike ughh -__-"

tired, grateful
just came back from church after sgbf and after getttin all the stuff which i've procrasinated abt done at last. done up the videos called "james & banana" and "zuhui & rice" lol. nothing much really just took a multishot and went and complied it all backwards. also the guitar cd is really soundin good though there's lots of hiss in the background and major distortions everytime the bass strings are used but its alrite ;)

now you may ask what i've got to be grateful for? after a period of wait and then heartbreak and sadness ard me, what have i got to be grateful for? well too many things already, i'm grateful for my life as it is. i guess in many ways i live a charmed life. i've got the kind of friends i couldn't do without cuz God put all of you into my life and i'm thankful for that. i'm grateful that He has seen me and my family thru a year. even though now my dad has more or less recovered from his infection, he still can't hear much so we'll see how it goes. i'm grateful for growing older, wiser, more mature and stronger as each day passes.

shall share with you 2 songs from my yf (youth fellowship) songbook :)
"God hath not promised skies always blue,
flower strewn pathways all our lives thru'
God hath not promised sun without rain,
joy without sorrow, peace without pain. (*)

(*)Chrous:
But God hath promised strength for the day,
rest for the labour, light for the way,
grace for the trials, help from above,
unfailing kindness, undying love.

God hath not promised we shall not know
toil and temptation trouble and woe;
He hath not told us we shall not bear
many a burden, many a care. (*)

God hath not promised smooth roads and wide,
swift easy travel, needing no guide;
never a mountain rocky or steep,
never a river turbid and deep. (*)"

also this,
"Did you ever talk to God above?
Tell Him that you need a friend to love,
Pray in Jesus' Name believing that God answers prayer?

Have you told Him all your cares and woes?
Every tiny little fear He knows,
You can know He'll always hear, and He will answer prayer.

You can whisper in a crowd to Him,
You can cry when you're alone to Him,
You don't have to pray out loud to Him, He knows your thoughts.

On a lofty mountain peak, He's there,
In a meadow by a stream, He's there,
Anywhere on earth you go, He's been there from the start.

Find the answer in His Word; its true,
You'll be strong because He walks with you,
By His faithfulness He'll change you, too, God answers prayer."

hope these songs may touch your hearts and minds that there's truly sth better if only you would submit to it.

God bless.

oh jia lat..
heh i just remembered i gotta be in church by 945-950 to set a good example lol. must sleep soon but helpin joesph with his bog. stupid boy go and copy my code and had MY chatbox in his blog lol. dumb ass :P and yesh i'll xfer my old blog over since the server seemed to have crashed. hope its not all gone or if it is then its good too ;)

must sleep now if not cannot wake up lo!

nites :)

refreshed

Isa 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher, than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

heard someone sharing this verse during remembrance nite and thot it quite apt. also there was another verse abt if God opens the door no man can shut it and if He closes it no man can open it but i've got no idea where its from and am still looking for it so leave me the verse in my chatbox.

still tired

went for my first session of occupational therapy (physiotherapy is for movement) and spent 2 hours doing some exercises invovlin dumb bells then power putty or plastercine and answering lots of questions from a jittery student-nurse whose supervisor was in attendance. then after that went to hit some balls and get some stroke back. then went to meet my mum to go shoppin for new year stuff hahah..and let me tell you that orchard is jammed up.

i dozed off before the bus reached orchard mrt's bus stop and when i woke up we hadn't really moved much from it. so i went back to sleep and when i woke up again we only moved abt 50m lol. this went on till the 4th time i woke up then the bus managed to move off. it was that badddd..

then i managed to get some stuff for myself heh in the process i think i burnt a big hole in my mum's wallet ;P spent slightly more than $200 on a pair of jeans, a pair of berms, a shirt and a polo tee ;) which is like well done cuz i hardly go shoppin and i hardly spend so much on clothes.

and yes i'm still tired ahhh tmrw still got soccer ahhh..! heh time to cook maggi mee cuz yes in our haste i didn't have the time to take dinner -__-

tired, gloomy but too tired to care

yay! back from nite cycling which wasn't exactly tiring since it was orchard and back. hmmm..not the distance but the waitin and standin ard that tires me. not very the eventful, only that stan's left pedal came out, my seat is rattlin, angeline had a slight accident and some trippin and falling summarises the events.
nice route we chose, from church there were 11 and by the first stop, there were 9 left. heh they were james, angeline, johan, mingzhi, myself, a-drain, lisa, tim, stanley (welcome back!), eric and walther (last 2 'eliminated' haha--no, they weren't joinin us) so from church we went to west coast then cross the pedestrian bridge to faber then down alongside the canal all the way to ulu pandan and then following the canal all the way to ghim moh, where along the way i met and talked with a guy who cycles like no one's business. (90 km in 6 hours ard the island--hmm must try it someday)
then onwards to holland village then up up up past botanical gardens where angeline had her fall. (looked backwards then lost control of bike--actually she's tryin to kiss the floor :P just kiddin!! she's gonna kick my ass when she sees this) i think some where along the way stan actually started to lose his left pedal heh (not with their grp--couldn't see). then onto to tanglin who although had a nice display decided to switch off their lights early then onto orchard where we met phoebe.
next stop was paragorn who had their lights on so we could take pictures although the rest of orchard road's lights went off at midnight sharp. (disappointment -- i conclude, lights use electricity, electricity cost money and thus orchard road must be runnin out of money so they switch off early) after much standing ard and posing by the various grps to take pics
then next stop which was our target, swensens where i think we got cheated payin for a GIANT earthquake which looked like a regular one -___- i swore i've seen bigger! *grumbles* but still lime sherbert, mint, chewy sticky (oh was it sticky chewy?), mocha, strawberry, orange sherbert and cookies & cream were still nice. (though not when their mixed together)
then we had a grand plan to go to al ahzar for breakfast heheh but decided to play by ear, so after sendin phoebe to her apartment at lucky plaza then cycled fast and back to our original route and stopped at the esso there again. (my seat sounds like a bag of bolts--ugh). hit the ghim moh side canal first and all the way back to ulu pandan without much incident heh then change of plans and went to fong seng instead. (no i wouldn't wanna go up clementi road in my condition), and stan's pedal came out heh (time to get a new bike stan) so the fellowship was broken :P
ate mutton cheese murtabak *roxors* and then after all was done we headed back home. anyway i'm back home now and gonna hit the shower then the sack. super tired now.

and if you realised i made no mention of gloominess but rest assured i know i'm stupid but i'm not blind and not deaf and neither do i wish to dwell on it. so nites or rather morning for the 2nd day/nite in a row

tired, gloomy now slightly smiley :)
well went cyclin to lingwei/kang/ting's place for yf Christmas stayover. wasn't all that fun in a way but it was still good :) neways just came back from there and took a slightly longer route. tonite still got nite cycling and i think i'm still unfit heh but moving away from topic again *rollseyes* well saw them spending time alone while everyone else was together. its hard for me not to say that i don't care anymore cuz i felt a part of me die there and then. can't quite stand it need to forget need to let go but hard when everywhere i hear whispers and glances.

tonight we shall be cycling to crown prince hotel, swensens for ice cream. starting pt: church. tmrw must meet them to discuss the route. had wanted to pass as many gas stations if possible but think we shan't if we have to deviate from the closest distance cuz i think that not many can take it.

quite tired now, shall shower and dry up before sleepin till midday heh.


and yes before i forget! must thank my mei debbie heh for the funky key chain that says "i was put here on this earth to make your life miserable" lol..that so cheered me up la! :) thankies mei! which reminds me i still owe pple prezzies :P (nvm soon soon)

nites--er--morning!

have a blessed Christmas one and all! take care and God bless :)

groggy
kayy slept late tryin to figure it all out. i think i'm done kinda like the template and skin just hafta figure out html coding heh. its Christmas eve already so fast. not much in any mood to get anyone anything or do much. tonight will be at lingwei/lingkang/lingting's house for a stayover. still comtemplatin whether to cycle there or go after service. anyway have a blessed Christmas :)

tired and weary
a close of an old chapter a beginning of a new one i hope.

there's a time for departure even though there's nowhere to go and still sometimes i wonder why i remain

what is this?
you spend your waking hours knowing and realising you've thought about it all nite. you run away from it when you're awake and moving, stirring images provoking the mind. vivid scenes flash past your mind, emotions stir up within yourself. you fall asleep thinkin of it, you sleep thinkin abt it.

now tell me, what is it that drains you of your energy? drains you of your time? drains you of your life?

quoted from a friend, "There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go"

in the pa room now, listening/recording teen onn's guitar recital which is absolutely 100% fabulous. always wanted to play like that maybe some day lah lol. i doubt i'm even 1/10 that good. hopefully when the recording's done and editted i'll send it to whoever wants it.

lonely feel i but empty are my hands, i dun really feel the pain now its like after you get cut, there's pain for a moment then after that its numbness then after that maybe pain again.

later gonna do sentry duty with a-drain to chase teens to slp actually its just that i wanna make sure i wake up and go down to soccer tmrw as well as asking and getting a-drain to get a better timing for 2.4 lol. if i out-run him, something must be definitely wrong!

to those who at camp (tengah yf and pandan teens), enjoy, learn and take care!

p.s. thot i share i quote i picked up from the NEL of all places *rolls eyes* "Love wasn't put in your hearts to stay, love isn't love till you give it away."

the feeling is of being cut by a knife, you feel a little prick and some pain, then numbness as you feel the resistance kicking in, then comes the pain that cuts right thru you, even until it cuts right to the bones and the heart.

thats the feeling i'm feeling now.

behind the still, calm face, beneath the cynical mind lies a heart ravaged and savaged by this whole matter. God, grant me peace in my soul and rest on the mind. there's not been a nite gone by that i do not think of this.

just to clear things up, i'm not against them being together though you all might think so (if you did, that shows how shallow you are) i'm just disappointed with pple whose names i need not mention.

sometimes i wonder why i still remain - cynical

melancholic
just came back from night cycling with james, angeline and walther. thank God for a good time of fellowship and relatively minor problems (james-flat tyre, angeline & walther - loose/broken bike stand, myself - loose handlebar, dented pedals) and most of all thank God for journey mercies for the safe journey back.

actually much to say now i'm a bit perky and awake (just showered), while 5 mins away from home i decided to be a bit more daring and take the flyover, going up wasn't any much eventful and for a moment i lasped into a period of complancency. heading down there's a turnoff from the highway to the place i stay and i think a bit of a blindspot for me. thank God i saw the headlights abt 2 secs earlier and quickly sprinted across lanes. any slower and dn chia would be complaining abt why he got his bike spoilt/crushed/mangled (just kidding, thanks for the loan!). so thank God for keeping me safe.

anyways, i found out that one of us amongst the four had a similar thing when coming to relationships. we would like a girl and after praying for God's help then proceed on and somehow some unfortunate incident involvin family would happen at such a time. and thus feel doubly low.

if you ask me, i'd say i'm feelin really really low and yet quite high. so things dun work out all the time for the greater good but yet this time i've grown to trust Him more. i feel miserable, yes. i feel like crying at times, yes. i feel like blaming the other guy, yes. i feel like wishing and hoping they would break up, yes. BUT i just don't want to. why? good question! i've got no idea :P maybe God's wonder working power is working in me. nothing can hurt more than the weight of the world's sin on your shoulders.

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other."

No triumph without loss, no victory without suffering, no freedom without sacrifice

confused but at peace
i've come back from camp, and feel very spiritually revived. apart from being in the same camp grp which allowed me to build on the platonic friendship and understand her a bit better, i hope that my being there and my testimony will continue to be a shining light and encouragement to those ard me.

today i've received the worse news i could hear. in a sense that is, it may hurt now but maybe who knows it might not be as bad as it seems. i heard that she just got attached to some one or is already with him. however, that came from a source close to him and i've no idea of whether its true. if you should see this and know the people involved or know or can confirm anything pls do tell me, i'll feel better if i know whats going on and not hanging there. it really sucks to be in that position.

right now all i feel that i know God is leading my path and if she's not the one, He'll lead me to the right one so even if they are attached or she is to some one else, i'd be lying to say i won't feel the pain but i'll definitely be happy for her and for him (whoever the lucky guy is). but at least i know that i shouldn't be pining and whining for her cuz she isn't mine. but the way that He leads is mysterious and the foolishness of God is wiser than the wisdom of men, so even if i can't see it, He's there leading every step of the way.

it was never my intention to rush into a relationship and i prefer to take things slowly and step by step and let the still small voice of God teach and guide me.

helpless as a man not hopeless in God.

Praise the Lord!

since i wasn't able to speak at all on friday nite (you all ah! i lost my voice still insist i share -.- ) i thought i'll "say" whatever i had wanted to say that night.

firstly, like to thank the camp comm for the good planning and interesting 'angle of attack'. also the messages heard were something that i didn't really expect and so i did learnt much from Rev Jack Sin.
secondly, this week started out looking down and dreary cuz my dad was in hospital due to an infection so dragging a heavy heart to camp isn't exactly the best way to go into a camp heh. however God works in mysterious ways and thru the morning devotions i feel God speaking to me in a way and it lifted that burden off me. Thank God :)

also like to share what was what happened to me on weds when i went down to the hospital to spend time with my dad. when i reached there, i wasn't allowed in till 1630 even though i was there at 1445 -_- (meant that i could have done a bit of tracting with you guys =/ ) so then while i sat there i reflected on wat was going on and realised that i'm so helpless without God but with Him is my hope. so i'm helpless not hopeless! so after all of that had to head back to camp and thus got stuck outside the gates lol.

anyways, my dad is recuperating at home, he was discharged on thurs. continue to pray that the Lord may uphold him as well as my mum. also pray for those that are sick from/becuz of the camp.